How to stay sane through the holidays

The holidays can be a wonderful time filled with family and friends, good food and gifts, memories and laughs. Sometimes, though, the holidays mean living through the freak show you are legally bound to call your family. So, if you fall into the latter category, here are some tips to stay sane through the madness.

1. Keep a well-stocked liquor cabinet. You will surely need this to unwind after a gruesome get together that includes pregnant swinger cousins, a weed smoking aunt, and a sister who doesn't think it's her responsibility to watch over her own children.

2. Have lots of chocolate on hand. This will mask the pain when your mom threatens to come and take your 2-year-old's furniture from her bedroom just to 'stick it' to your dad. Yea...that'll get him.

3. Have a code word with the one you love. This code word will come in handy when you just can't take another story from your husband's cousin about how hard it is to be a single parent and how she never thought she'd be divorced, even though you saw it coming a mile away, and you need to get outta there.

4. Be yourself and have fun. You're never going to please everybody. Someone will always feel that you wronged them in some way. You might as well have some fun while you're at it.

I hope these tips serve you as well as they have served me. Whether you love your family or simply put up with them, have a great holiday season. And remember, you can't spell 'families' without 'lies'.

A good indication that it's going to be a bad day

I just had a pretty lengthy blog post written when my Internet Explorer crashed. Apparently the "autosave" feature in blogger is not functioning properly because only 1 word was still there when I got IE back up and running. I may rewrite it later, but for now, I'm just stewing. Surely a great day lies ahead (said with dripping sarcasm).

Ho Ho...Oh Whatever

I can't put my finger on the why, but I am so not in the holiday spirit this year. It's odd though, because this is the first year we've been invited to holiday parties outside of our families. We even hosted my company's holiday party this past weekend. I'm even trying to pull together a last minute cookie exchange with the neighbors. But my heart isn't really there.

For example, last year, I went way overboard with gifts for the kids. They're 5 and 2, so Christmas is a big deal for them. I was all into the buying and the wrapping and didn't care how much I was spending (that particular feeling went away by January when the kids had stopped playing with any toy brought by Santa). But I was happy to do it because it just felt so good.

This year, not so much. We scaled way back on the gifts, partly because Charlie needs to learn that he can't simply get everything he wants. This problem is somewhat our fault and somewhat the fault of all his grandparents, but we know we have to nip it in the bud. The other part of why we pared down the list is because it just doesn't sit well with me to spend hundreds of dollars (on a gift for ANYONE) in the name of a holiday. Doesn't anyone remember what Christmas is actually supposed to be about? In my little corner of the world, that answer is a resounding NO.

I don't want to teach my kids that we have to go into debt to satisfy the selfish wants of others for Christmas. Granted, I love seeing my kids' excited faces on Christmas morning as they tear away the wrappings to find the toy they've longed for all year. But in my kids' cases, these things will be things they've only craved for about 2 weeks, when I finally told Doug that we need to stop buying things because it's almost Christmas! It's not his fault; he loves to see Charlie's face when he receives a new CARS car or Star Wars figure. He gets SO excited. But I say, enough is enough.

So this year, I hope my Bah Humbugs aren't loud enough to sadden anyone else's Christmas celebrations. Maybe it's another symptom of the phantom illness. Who knows? In any event, this year, just call me Scrooge.

Is it just me?

Wednesday, I went to a new doctor. It was an initial visit that was supposed to take up to 2 hours, but I had no idea why so long. I was stunned to hear the reception staff (there were probably 6 of them at the front desk) discussing other patients, by name, completely in earshot. While I'm not a huge fan of HIPAA, nor do I care if my particular health information stays private (if you really want to know about it, you've got way too much time on your hands and will probably be very disappointed), I thought this was very odd given the laws. But I brushed it off. So I go back to the room with the nurse. She leaves the door hanging wide open while she asks me many questions about my history. Again, this really didn't bother me, I thought it was strange. Whatever.


So the doctor comes in. In this particular office, there are 3 doctors. Two are American and one is some kind of foreign with a heavy accent. The odds must have been against me because I get the very difficult to understand foreign doctor. It was a struggle the entire time to figure out what he was asking me. And he had to perform a slew of tests that involved him asking me to do different things. He had to repeat himself many times. This was very frustrating, but not as frustrating as what came next.


The doctor was in the middle of asking me a question when his cell phone rings. He answered the phone and left the room for 10 minutes!!! When he came back, he didn't say, "Boo" about it! I was so angry! Then he tells me to get undressed and put the robe on, blah blah blah. He said he'd be back in a minute. He went into the room next door and proceeds to make a phone call. He came back 20 minutes later!! Does he honestly think it takes me that long to get undressed? I doubt it; I guess he's into multitasking. Anyone who knows me well knows I can appreciate that and, in fact, encourage that. But when I'm scared, frustrated, freezing cold, and in the middle of my initial visit with a new doctor, I would think he'd be a little more respectful of my time.


The girl who took my blood must have been new. It took at least a half hour to get my blood drawn. Dang. It's never taken that long. And I'm still hurting from it.


Overall, a pretty disappointing experience. What is it with some doctors today? Is it just me? Am I the only one who expects a little more from these insanely paid doctors? I think not!

The Funeral

Yesterday was my grandma's funeral. I am not big on funerals; partly because I don't like to show my emotions to anyone, really, and partly because I don't really like the whole funeral process. Of course I went, though, because I was supposed to. And because my dad had already volunteered me to read at the mass.

The only word I can use to describe the day is "comical". I know that this is not a word most would think of when describing a funeral, but, believe me, it's the most appropriate word. Yes, I am sad to see grandma go, but she was 93 and we all knew it was coming. While that does not make it any less sad, I think most had been grieving for the few weeks prior. So there were a few tears, but it was not an overwhelmingly sad day. And we all knew that grandma would want us to be happy because she was finally back with grandpa, and heck, that's all she has ever wanted for the last 9 years. So she's definitely happier now.

Back to the comical day. So first, my uncle's girlfriend announces that I really should go and rummage through grandma's basement because there is some really nice jewelry there. She then proceeds to show me the bracelets she "stole" (her word, not mine). Um....the woman is not even in the ground yet and she's already taking her jewelry? This is comical to me because it's just her. That's just what she does and doesn't see anything wrong with it.

Then, Kathie shows up. We all knew she would, as appearances are her top priority. So she is going down the line, hugging my uncle and cousins. She proceeds to pass right over me and hug each of my brothers. My older brother noticed as well and gives me this look like, "what just happened here?" She looks over a minute later and says, "Amy! I didn't recognize you; you look so good!" Ahh..nice to have you back, mom. I'd almost forgotten how complimentary you could be. Comical.

Another aspect I found quite comical is how we all sort of found out who our true friends are yesterday. You can always tell who they are in a situation like that. Because they come to support you. My dad mentioned a couple who did not come and he seemed a bit surprised. This couple had been best friends with my parents since high school. They knew my grandma well and didn't even bother to call or show up. Nice friends, huh?

Otherwise, the funeral served as a nice family reunion. Even though most live in the area, we still never see them, for one reason or another. I'm sure the old excuse of "I'm so busy" comes into play a lot, but it shouldn't. I think grandma would want us to make time to see our family. So this becomes one of my goals for 2009 - to visit with family members more often.

Thanks grandma for bringing these things into perspective. You've helped me more than you will ever know.