Small girl, big city

So, today I took my very first train ride AND went to center city Philadelphia for the very first time as well. What an experience. The regulars must have known I was a completely frightened tourist. Every time I got on a train, they asked for my ID. They didn't do that for the others I was traveling with. Just me. Of course, I do look like a person likely to be hiding something (and if you know me at all, you know this couldn't be farther from the truth)! I am the world's worst liar. I had a hard time this past Christmas explaining Santa to my 4-year-old. I could sense he wasn't buying the whole story. But when my husband explained it, he was satisfied. Even children see right through me...I'm just that transparent and naive. So, the big city of Philadelphia was actually pretty cool. I lived in the suburbs of Philly for 2 years when Doug and I were first married and I never once went into the city. I generally don't like to go to places where there are large crowds of people. This makes me very nervous. But I see this year as a year to overcome my fears (ahem...I mean some of my fears. I definitely will NOT be boarding any roller coasters this year, or even before I die). I felt so small in that big city. Of course, I am about the size of a 12-year-old, but I normally don't feel that small. Everything was just so big. The buildings, the people, the crazy drivers... And they could so tell I was a tourist. I even got stuck in one of those revolving glass doors. My bag got jammed and the whole thing stopped. I felt like I was in the middle of one of those VISA commercials where everyone is swiping their cards and the whole process just goes so smoothly until that 1 idiot pulls out his checkbook. That was me today. The idiot. I didn't mind. I'm used to feeling like that. I do stupid things like that all the time. It's just me...

The fun part about today was that I got to come home a little early. Of course, in order to do that, I was up at 4 in order to catch the 6:30 train to Philly. So I got to play with my kids a little bit and get some of our Disney plans in place. All in all, it was a very productive and exciting day. It was also a learning experience, as I find most days lately are. I learned that you really can't fit 2 people into 1 section of a revolving door. I also learned that a little extra QT with your kids can do your soul some good.

2008

I have great plans for 2008. Many things are happening in my life in 2008 that motivate me to make even more great things happen. I will be graduating from college next Monday. I know this may not be a big deal in some people's eyes, but it has definitely been a long and hard road for me to get to this point. I tend to take the difficult way to do most things, and obtaining my degree was no different. 1.5 years in traditional college right out of high school in 1996, then a long break of 7 years trying to "find myself", and 2.5 years attending college online with 2 small children and a full time job has brought me here. I couldn't have done it without my family and my dad, though. They were my inspiration.

I will also be turning 30 this year. This is also something that some people might not find too exciting or even dread and try to ignore or deny, but I am so incredibly excited to turn 30. I can't pinpoint why this makes me so happy, but every time I think about finally being out of my 20's, I smile. Maybe it's because I look like I'm about 13 (today's 13, not 13 when I was 13 - big difference there). My looks have not changed since I was in high school - literally. I am the same size (I literally have clothes that I wear on a regular basis that I wore when I was in high school), I can't seem to get my hair to look better any other way, so that is the same as well. Moms at my son's preschool think I'm this high school mom and look at me funny when they see me with my 2 kids. When I was pregnant and couldn't wear my wedding rings, I really got the stares! And when I tell them I'm in my late 20's, it really doesn't sound like I'm much older than I look. But 30 seems to me to be the age of finally being an adult. I feel like this will finally make people take me seriously. Whether this is true or not remains to be seen, but I am hopeful.

We also plan to take a trip to Disney this year. Doug and I went to Disney for our honeymoon and it was magical. I absolutely cannot wait to share that experience with my kids. They already love all things Disney (I wonder how that happened LOL), so this trip should be very exciting for them. I'm a little nervous about the kids' first plane rides (my first as a kid was a nightmare for me and every single person on the plane) and keeping Elizabeth happy and comfortable while in the parks, but people do these things every day, right? We can do this.

So these are the things that will be happening for me in 2008. I feel this will be an exciting year full of surprises. Work is fabulous, we finally have our dream house, and the kids love life right now. What more could I ask for?

Grateful

This is the word I would use to describe my current state of mind. Wednesday, just three short days ago, was a completely different story. Life is funny. A co-worker and friend (Miss M) says this all the time (she's very wise). Wednesday was a bad day for me. I found out that we would not be settling on our new house the next day and moving that weekend (which would be today). I found out that, in fact, we wouldn't be settling until after Christmas and that we'd have to move the next weekend. This threw me for a loop because I have off work the week between Christmas and New Year's, so moving this weekend would have given me tons of time to get settled. Now, we only have 4 short days. I cried at work. I was so embarrassed for doing that, but it just sort of came out. Then I found out some other bad news that just depressed me, but that I have absolutely no control over. So that was Wednesday... So on Thursday night, I was watching Wednesday's episode of Dr. Phil. It was so ironic that this particular episode aired on Wednesday in the midst of my bad day. The show was about kids with Autism. The first couple had an older son with Autism and he was a handful to say the least. The next segment was about kids with Autism coming home from school with bruises, but becuase of their affliction, they could not tell their parents what was happening at school. I cried and cried about these poor people in these horrible situations. I wanted to help them, but knew that I couldn't.

I kept rewinding the show to watch again and again. I wasn't sure why, but I figured I just wanted to torture myself some more. But then I realized that I wasn't doing it to torture myself. Each time I watched these people, I grew more and more grateful for my own situation. Yes, I had some bad news the day before. But truly, this was nothing compared to what these people go through day in and day out. As I was crying for these people, I was also crying because I realized how big of an ass I was being. It was at this point that I went into Charlie's room and just sat there watching him sleep (I could never do this to Elizabeth because just another person's presence in the room wakes her up and it's nearly impossible to get her back to sleep after that) feeling so grateful that he is who he is. Yes, he can be rambunctious, yes he is emotional, but I am now grateful for these eccentricities instead of viewing them as flaws.

Writing this made me think of a fabulous book that my good friend Bob lent to me (which I promise I will return as soon as I have 10 minutes to finish it). The book is called The Secret and tells the secret to getting everything you want. One of the main ideas in the book is how you really cannot receive anything until you are thankful and grateful for everything. I thought that I had been thankful, however, now, I realize that I was not truly grateful for the things in my life. I know that I have a lot to be so thankful for and that I would not trade my life for anything in this world.

Monday Monday, la la la la la la

Monday again. The beginning of another week. Another week closer to Christmas. Only 14 more shopping days! That is not good for me. Considering we don't even know where we will be living come Christmas. We have no tree, no decorations...it doesn't even seem like Christmas because there is no sign of it in this house. We might end up being one of those families who puts up their Christmas tress on Christmas Eve. Heavens I hope not. That is just not good for my sanity. It's bad enough that we never end up wrapping the gifts until Christmas Eve. It never fails. I try so hard to get them wrapped before that, but Christmas Eve comes and there Doug and I are, wrapping the gifts and trying to do it quietly so the kids won't wake up. Then we're up really late and I am dragging all through Christmas day. And I'm so bummed that we still don't have a true Christmas tradition. I tried to start one last year with everyone at our house on Christmas day, but that was a bust. This year, we'll be down in York. While this is not necessarily a bad thing because then I don't have to clean up or anything, but Elizabeth is scared of the new puppy, so it's difficult to enjoy my day with having to keep the puppy away from her and keep her away from the un-gated steps and all of the knick knacks everywhere. And then we get to come home and change our clothes because we have pet hair all over and 3 out of 4 of us are having allergic reactions.

What I love about Christmas is guessing what kind of doozies we will get. Not trying to be mean here, but sometimes it's incredibly funny. One year, Doug's uncle received one of those calculators with the huge buttons (I won't name the giver of this gift, but some of you may be able to guess). As if that was not funny enough, but he got it AGAIN the next year from the same person!

I would love to hear about the doozy gifts you've received. Post a comment about your funny gifts!

1 friend, 2 friend, old friend, new friend

Life is funny sometimes. People are even funnier. I, myself, have never had tons of friends. I actually have only ever had 1 real friend at any given time, though it's always someone different as time goes on. I've never been good in the "friend" department. My husband, on the other hand, made it clear when I met him that he had a group of friends that he would have forever and that if I didn't happen to like his friends then we would have a problem. As it turned out, I ended up LOVING his friends. What a fabulous group of guys. All with their own personalities and quirks, but all just sincerely nice guys. I still remember my first group experience. It was New Year's of 2000. Doug and I hadn't been dating too long, but he was ready to introduce me to the "group". I didn't know anyone but Doug and everyone else had been friends for years. Talk about being an outsider! And I was super shy, so I was so nervous, I literally felt like throwing up. But, you know how some people can just make you feel comfortable no matter what? Well, that's what this group of great people did. They made me feel like I had been part of the group all along. That's when I knew Doug had a great support system that I wanted to be a part of.

So, that was 8 years ago. We've all changed. We've all had children. We've all moved to different places. We've all grown up (a little)...well maybe not ALL of us, but most. The guys have all kept in touch via iChat and phone calls, but we haven't really seen each other too much. Some have a pretty good excuse...it's hard to visit PA often when you live in Florida. The rest have had OK excuses...we do all have small children and jobs and houses and blah, blah, blah. We finally ALL got together last night, kids and all. There were even some new faces (well new to me). Let me tell you...this group of people, though older and tired from much greater responsibilities, was still the same wonderful family it always had been.

This get together really made me think. Why has it taken so long for some of us to see each other? Is it really that burdensome to make time for best friends? Being a person who never had friends, I find it a difficult pill to swallow that these guys have these friends, but rarely see them and their families. If I had friends like that, I would want to be around them all of the time. I know that life has a way of flying by and screwing up even our best intentions of "keeping in touch", but isn't friendship, I mean this kind of friendship, worth making time for? We only go around this merry-go-round once....shouldn't we make it count?