Ho Ho...Oh Whatever

I can't put my finger on the why, but I am so not in the holiday spirit this year. It's odd though, because this is the first year we've been invited to holiday parties outside of our families. We even hosted my company's holiday party this past weekend. I'm even trying to pull together a last minute cookie exchange with the neighbors. But my heart isn't really there.

For example, last year, I went way overboard with gifts for the kids. They're 5 and 2, so Christmas is a big deal for them. I was all into the buying and the wrapping and didn't care how much I was spending (that particular feeling went away by January when the kids had stopped playing with any toy brought by Santa). But I was happy to do it because it just felt so good.

This year, not so much. We scaled way back on the gifts, partly because Charlie needs to learn that he can't simply get everything he wants. This problem is somewhat our fault and somewhat the fault of all his grandparents, but we know we have to nip it in the bud. The other part of why we pared down the list is because it just doesn't sit well with me to spend hundreds of dollars (on a gift for ANYONE) in the name of a holiday. Doesn't anyone remember what Christmas is actually supposed to be about? In my little corner of the world, that answer is a resounding NO.

I don't want to teach my kids that we have to go into debt to satisfy the selfish wants of others for Christmas. Granted, I love seeing my kids' excited faces on Christmas morning as they tear away the wrappings to find the toy they've longed for all year. But in my kids' cases, these things will be things they've only craved for about 2 weeks, when I finally told Doug that we need to stop buying things because it's almost Christmas! It's not his fault; he loves to see Charlie's face when he receives a new CARS car or Star Wars figure. He gets SO excited. But I say, enough is enough.

So this year, I hope my Bah Humbugs aren't loud enough to sadden anyone else's Christmas celebrations. Maybe it's another symptom of the phantom illness. Who knows? In any event, this year, just call me Scrooge.

Is it just me?

Wednesday, I went to a new doctor. It was an initial visit that was supposed to take up to 2 hours, but I had no idea why so long. I was stunned to hear the reception staff (there were probably 6 of them at the front desk) discussing other patients, by name, completely in earshot. While I'm not a huge fan of HIPAA, nor do I care if my particular health information stays private (if you really want to know about it, you've got way too much time on your hands and will probably be very disappointed), I thought this was very odd given the laws. But I brushed it off. So I go back to the room with the nurse. She leaves the door hanging wide open while she asks me many questions about my history. Again, this really didn't bother me, I thought it was strange. Whatever.


So the doctor comes in. In this particular office, there are 3 doctors. Two are American and one is some kind of foreign with a heavy accent. The odds must have been against me because I get the very difficult to understand foreign doctor. It was a struggle the entire time to figure out what he was asking me. And he had to perform a slew of tests that involved him asking me to do different things. He had to repeat himself many times. This was very frustrating, but not as frustrating as what came next.


The doctor was in the middle of asking me a question when his cell phone rings. He answered the phone and left the room for 10 minutes!!! When he came back, he didn't say, "Boo" about it! I was so angry! Then he tells me to get undressed and put the robe on, blah blah blah. He said he'd be back in a minute. He went into the room next door and proceeds to make a phone call. He came back 20 minutes later!! Does he honestly think it takes me that long to get undressed? I doubt it; I guess he's into multitasking. Anyone who knows me well knows I can appreciate that and, in fact, encourage that. But when I'm scared, frustrated, freezing cold, and in the middle of my initial visit with a new doctor, I would think he'd be a little more respectful of my time.


The girl who took my blood must have been new. It took at least a half hour to get my blood drawn. Dang. It's never taken that long. And I'm still hurting from it.


Overall, a pretty disappointing experience. What is it with some doctors today? Is it just me? Am I the only one who expects a little more from these insanely paid doctors? I think not!

The Funeral

Yesterday was my grandma's funeral. I am not big on funerals; partly because I don't like to show my emotions to anyone, really, and partly because I don't really like the whole funeral process. Of course I went, though, because I was supposed to. And because my dad had already volunteered me to read at the mass.

The only word I can use to describe the day is "comical". I know that this is not a word most would think of when describing a funeral, but, believe me, it's the most appropriate word. Yes, I am sad to see grandma go, but she was 93 and we all knew it was coming. While that does not make it any less sad, I think most had been grieving for the few weeks prior. So there were a few tears, but it was not an overwhelmingly sad day. And we all knew that grandma would want us to be happy because she was finally back with grandpa, and heck, that's all she has ever wanted for the last 9 years. So she's definitely happier now.

Back to the comical day. So first, my uncle's girlfriend announces that I really should go and rummage through grandma's basement because there is some really nice jewelry there. She then proceeds to show me the bracelets she "stole" (her word, not mine). Um....the woman is not even in the ground yet and she's already taking her jewelry? This is comical to me because it's just her. That's just what she does and doesn't see anything wrong with it.

Then, Kathie shows up. We all knew she would, as appearances are her top priority. So she is going down the line, hugging my uncle and cousins. She proceeds to pass right over me and hug each of my brothers. My older brother noticed as well and gives me this look like, "what just happened here?" She looks over a minute later and says, "Amy! I didn't recognize you; you look so good!" Ahh..nice to have you back, mom. I'd almost forgotten how complimentary you could be. Comical.

Another aspect I found quite comical is how we all sort of found out who our true friends are yesterday. You can always tell who they are in a situation like that. Because they come to support you. My dad mentioned a couple who did not come and he seemed a bit surprised. This couple had been best friends with my parents since high school. They knew my grandma well and didn't even bother to call or show up. Nice friends, huh?

Otherwise, the funeral served as a nice family reunion. Even though most live in the area, we still never see them, for one reason or another. I'm sure the old excuse of "I'm so busy" comes into play a lot, but it shouldn't. I think grandma would want us to make time to see our family. So this becomes one of my goals for 2009 - to visit with family members more often.

Thanks grandma for bringing these things into perspective. You've helped me more than you will ever know.

Remembering Grandma

My grandmother died yesterday morning. She was 93...it was expected. I'm actually surprised she held on this long. Unfortunately, my last memory of her was not great.

I went to see her at the hospital with my dad. She didn't look good at all. She was sitting in a chair next to the hospital bed with a tray full of uneaten food in front of her. She had completely stopped eating and it was obvious. We knew her memory was not good and that she had a habit of asking the same questions over and over again. We humored her anyway. But when she started talking about the wedding, that's when the discomfort set in for me and I knew she was getting worse.

It was a rainy Saturday evening. She asked about how the weather had been. Dad said it had been nice earlier. She said how nice it would be for the wedding. Both my dad and me were a little unsure of what she was talking about, but we kept on. Then she began asking about how we were getting to the wedding and where we were staying. She even went on to say that she didn't have anything to wear to the wedding and she couldn't believe she even came for the wedding. She also pointed out how excited she was to see my kids at the wedding. At this point, I knew she had lost it.

What wedding was she talking about, you ask? Well, we're not really sure. We do know that she wasn't talking about any recent wedding, that's for sure. My dad's guess was that she was probably remembering some other wedding that we all had to travel for. My cousin was married like 6 years ago and we all had to travel. Maybe that's what she was remembering.

She was a different woman back then. It's hard to believe that 6 years can age a person that much. But, I guess at that age, 6 years is like a lifetime. No one could believe that she was as old as she was. She got around great; no walker, sound mind, no health problems. Not your normal 80-something senior citizen. I remember always thinking how I wanted to be like that when I was old and gray.

But the woman I saw 2 weeks ago was not the lively woman still making tons of Christmas cookies each year, humming while she baked and cleaned. She's the one who first showed me the Golden Girls. Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE the Golden Girls. I still remember sitting in "grandpa's" chair, eating Snyder's cheese pretzels, while grandma sat on the couch. We watched the Golden Girls together every time I stayed overnight there. Grandpa couldn't hang that long like the girls. So we stayed up "late" and did our girl thing. I thought it was so neat that she actually wanted to stay up with me to watch TV. That's something Kathie never would have done....even if I had begged her (but I knew better than to do that).

No, the woman I saw 2 weeks ago was frail and had trouble swallowing water. It was very hard for me to see her like that and I almost wish I hadn't. I wish I could hang on to only those happy memories. But now, I have that 1 not so great memory barging in whenever I think happy grandma thoughts. I'm sure it made her feel better to see me before she took her final nap, though, so that makes it all worth it.

I miss you grandma. I hope you find true happiness where you are now. You will always be my Golden Girl.

What a weekend

My Saturday morning began like many other Saturday mornings. Charlie woke us up at 7am telling us how incredibly hungry he is. (We have tried, on numerous occasions, to tell him that if he would simply eat dinner, he would not be so hungry in the morning. He does not like to listen to us, so he very rarely eats dinner.) So far, normal Saturday. I always fall for that alarm he sounds because, well, I'm a mom. The kid wants to eat. It's my responsibility to feed him. So I get up and get him some breakfast. Doug finally rolls out of bed like an hour and half later. I was extremely jealous (I know, I know...love is not supposed to be jealous, but come on! He gets to sleep in until 8:30? That is so not fair!), but I just let it go. So around 9, we decide to go wake up sleepy head (i.e. Elizabeth). She normally does sleep later than the rest of us, but that day, it was much later.

We went in and were having trouble getting her to get out of bed. She was limp and wasn't moving a whole lot. We managed to get her dressed, but she definitely wasn't herself. We called the doctor's office and they said to take her in (thank goodness for the after hours pediatric center). Doug took her in and I stayed with Charlie. He said at the dr. she turned blue in the face and they were about to take her to Hershey Med. Instead, they called Hershey and said it was her blood sugar. Her blood sugar was at 30. For those who are like me and didn't know the significance of that number, when it gets as low as 60, an ER trip is warranted. So hers was very low. After eating some food and drinking some milk, they got it back up to 130. Much better. Talk about scary!

They diagnosed her with ketotonic hypoglycemia. Apparently this is something small children can get where their blood sugar drops super low after not eating for a while. So now we have to monitor her blood sugar weekly to make sure it's within normal range. We haven't gotten full instructions yet, but I assume this will mean she will have to have more scheduled eating habits. The good news is that they grow out of it. I'm so glad this will not be something she has to deal with as a teenager or an adult. It doesn't sound like it's too big of a deal, thank goodness.